Writing @ Illumanise

I live with complex mental health issues and I want to share the benefit of my experience with you.

That's why I'm writing this series of essays: to show what it looks like to be an older adult who has survived these issues and provide you with practical insights.

But to do that, you have to feel confident that I know what I'm talking about and understand why you should trust me.

So, who am I?

Hi, I'm Dave, and I'm a recovering drug addict with borderline personality disorder.

I am in my late 30s.

I have been sober since the 20th of September 2019.

I am in therapy for my personality disorder, and I am managing it.

Some days are better than others. But I am managing it.

I used to self-harm multiple times a day, every single day.

In the last four years, I have self-harmed five times.

I have attempted suicide five times in my life.

My last attempt was four years ago.

Getting to this point has not been easy. It has taken medication, therapy, hard work and pain. But it WAS worth it.

I'm not going to sugarcoat anything for you. I'm not going to tell you that "things get better", because honestly? In some ways they don't.

But you can learn how to deal with things better. How to think about things differently. How to build a life.

You don't cure borderline personality disorder (and the comorbid anxiety and depression) or any other mental health condition. You learn how to manage it more effectively.

I will always be a drug addict. But I didn't take drugs yesterday, I haven't today, and I'm pretty sure I won't tomorrow.

And that, frankly, is as good as it gets.

Looking back at where I was five years ago though, that is incredible.

So why am I doing this?

Picture this...

A man walks along the street. He's not looking where he's going and he falls down a manhole. He calls for help and after a short while, a priest walks by.

The man calls up to him, "Father, help me, I'm stuck down this hole."

The priest looks down, says a blessing for the man and walks away.

The man keeps shouting for help and a brief time later, a doctor appears.

The man calls up to the doctor, "Doc, you've got to help me, I'm stuck down here."

The doctor looks down at the man, writes a prescription, throws it down into the hole and walks away.

Finally, the man's friend walks by.

The man cries, "Joe, thank God! You've got to help me out of this hole."

Joe takes one look down the hole and jumps in beside his friend.

The man says, "Joe! What are you doing? Are you crazy? Now we're both stuck in this hole!".

But Joe smiles and says, "Yeah, but I'm with you now, I've been stuck down here before and I know how to get out."

So here I am, down in the hole with you.

I know the way out.